...when your last breath will be. My work buddy, I affectionately referred to as my wusband, (work husband), died on Christmas Day. He was the only person in Reno that I spent time with socially, other than people I am related to, of course. Paul was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on his 50th birthday last May. It was a long, hard summer with him. I would like to think were I to have that kind of news delivered to me I would wake up and grab every breath of joy I could squeeze into the time I had left. I like to think I would eat the right foods and think the right thoughts and lead myself out of dis ease, and into more love, coming out on the other side wiser and more knowing of my own true heart. But that's just me. Paul dove into death with all the gusto he could muster. Learning to let go of wanting him to do things my way was the valuable lesson Paul taught me with his passing. We fought a lot for awhile, and after I had said my piece for the last time, I just remained in his life as a witness to his demise, and it was really sad.
Tonight I stopped by the Rubber Ducky Place near my house to say a quick hello to the gal who was working. She trained me (despite the fact she had only been hired about a month before me) and is one of the very few clerks who has been there longer than I have. I think in Reno/Sparks there are maybe 6 or 7 clerks out of dozens, and maybe three of those are in the 6-7 year range, probably less than a third of the dozens have more than a year under their belt. Such is the way of this company, we are disposable, they don't hire very well and turnover is huge. Debbie was so happy to see me, which always puzzles me because other than the two days of training, I have not seen this woman more than 5 times in the nearly 5 years I have worked there and for very short periods of time. I almost never cross the threshold of any store if I am not working and it was odd that I stopped by there this evening. She gave me a big hug and was crying in moments. I was thinking, oh, my, what is going on here. Then she tells me that another clerk died that afternoon during shift change. Carol was about a three year veteran, and while I was not close to her by any means, I knew Carol as she and Paul hung out occasionally. I was stunned by this news. She is only a couple of years older than I am. Apparently she passed out on the floor, they called 911 and she died in the ambulance of a blood clot to or in her heart, I am not sure how the biology works, but yikes. All I could think of was that it would be my worst nightmare to die at the Rubber Ducky Place, ( I know, what a cold bitch, thinking about myself, but, oh well). My commitment to better health reinforced with a vengeance. My desire for more connection to that which brings me joy has skyrocketed to realms I have never experienced before.
Rest in peace, my friend. Thank you for all the laughter we shared.
And for the rest of you reading these words, know that I love you. I think about you even if I am not in contact with you. I wish you love and joy with every breath and when you are struggling, I am still sending you love and joy with every breath.
I am holding you in my heart till next time we are together.
No comments:
Post a Comment